Thursday, March 31, 2005
George Carlin on religion
When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. No contest. No contest. Religion. Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!
But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit!
But I want you to know something, this is sincere, I want you to know, when it comes to believing in God, I really tried. I really, really tried. I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up.
Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently-run universe, this guy would've been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago. And by the way, I say "this guy", because I firmly believe, looking at these results, that if there is a God, it has to be a man.
No woman could or would ever fuck things up like this. So, if there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that he's at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesn't give a shit. Doesn't give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results.
(for the rest of his HBO Special text click here)
Monday, March 28, 2005
Saturday, March 12, 2005
Thursday, March 03, 2005
Friday, July 30, 2004
You might be a t-girl if...
You might be a t-girl if you always sit and close the lid.
You might be a t-girl if during sex you're thinking, "I wonder what it would feel like to be her."
You might be a t-girl if your mom gets you and your twin sister mixed up
You might be a t-girl if you can name 3 bra manufacturers.
You might be a t-girl if you're considering electrolysis because you just can't shave close enough.
You might be a t-girl if you've asked someone if your pants make you look fat.
You might be a t-girl if you get invited a lot to Mary Kay parties
You might be a t-girl if you can name all the hormone derivatives of cholesterol.
You might be a t-girl if duct tape is part of your clothing budget
You might be a t-girl if a friend said you were bitchy lately
You might be a t-girl if hallmark commercials make you cry while you eat cookie dough
You might be a t-girl if when you check out a woman as she walks by, you're wondering where she got her shoes.
You might be a t-girl if you've seen "A Soldier's Girl" 10 times.
You might be a t-girl if you've been bikini waxed.
You might be a t-girl if you've learned to lie to your friends, saying "you look so cute in that outfit"
You might be a t-girl if you have a lot of cute outfits